‘I rang God last night’

godspeaking.jpg

I rang God last night.
I do that often.

He didn’t pick up,

He does that often,

Trying to play hard to get –

As though the clouds are thicker than the loudness of my screams…

You’d think that steve jobs would’ve signed him up to FaceTime.

 

God is more often a ‘call failed’ than a ‘Connecting’

Or so it seems to me….

But to be honest I don’t blame him.

You see he probably thinks, It’s him again.

Or is it just that I find it hard to accept that God might actually give a damn –

Be invested in the whole of me….

Angry me – distressed me.

The me that wants to set the world on fire, and

Force him to start again.

To scratch from start

To make it a line past finish.

Done.

 

I rang God last night.

I told him how pissed off I was –

Distressed, bemused,

Frustrated, confused,

Bewildered, disillusioned – with everything, including him.

 

I shouted, ranted, raged –

I slam the phone down,

Picked it up again – I waved goodbye

To heaven’s gate and said I’ll never call again.

But who was I really kiddin’?

 

While children lay a carpet on the oceans bed with their flesh,

A migrants home, a fathers bed. Lifejackets,

Keeping the cold cold, the dead dead, like lead –

Deeper, darker, deader. Sunken dreams cannot swim.

Drowned hopes cannot fly. Why do politicians seem to think that every middle eastern can walk on water, and every terrorist fly?

 

Why is every true story, replayed to in the news as a lie?

Slowly.

 

I calmed down, began to breathe –

 

God said – what do you want this time?

I said, don’t be like that – surely you know the deal by now.

He said, tell me again – don’t you know I need you to talk to me a little more.

If you love me invest time in me – I said, God not now – just listen. Please.

To me.

 

I said, I want an end to the weight

Of life, an end to strife,

I want an end to hunger, an end

To the rape of natural resources, of women, of children,

Of boys and girls so innocent that they are convinced they are guilty.

By people who do not hear them scream their agony.

 

I said I want peace for the Middle East,

I said I wanted the need for foodbanks to cease,

I said I want Calais to be left in peace and not in pieces,

For Trump to lose, and Clinton to let my people go.

I said I want life in Syria, and real justice for women in India.

I said I wanted Putin to grow a heart,

And tin man, to walk again.

I want everything that doesn’t involve pain,

Or suffering, or injustice,

I want the world that children name.

 

I rang God last night,

And at the end of a very long rant from me – he stopped and said just one thing.

 

“Me too.”

 

Then he hung up.

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